Current Events > CYOA: You are a Magikarp and your grandfather is dying of cancer.

(+) Yeah! (+)

B. You can't beat fire with your fists Bruno. You need a strategy. Use your head!

Moltres is coming around for another pass and starts swooping down for a firey wing attack.

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp Magikarp!" (Bruno! It's made of fire! You have to be smart, you can't beat it in a fair fight!)

Bruno: "Fight dirty eh? I can do that!"

He grabs a handful of ash and throws it directly into the Moltres' eyes when it approaches. This causes the Moltres to crash land awkwardly into the dirt. The stunned crowd slowly start to boo again.

You: "Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp." (Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad.)

Before it can recover, Bruno quickly starts piling more dirt and ash on top of it until you cannot see a shred of the bird underneath, just a weird misshapen wad of dirt and ash.

Bruno then starts rolling the wad across the ground like he was building a snowman until he has created a large Moltres infested dirtball. He then starts bouncing it about like a basketball.

Bruno: "It's time to finish this!"

Bruno throws the ball across the arena then leaps into the air and does a handspring flip. He spins multiple times in mid-air for momentum and uses his good leg to ferociously kick with the force of 10 tigers... about a foot to the left of the dirtball before collasping into a heap.

Bruno's attack missed.

You: "Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp!" (Oh come on Bruno! It was a stationary target!)

Before Bruno even gets back to his feet, the dirtball explods as flames burst in all directions. Sending ash everywhere. The Moltres used its tremedous power to simply bust out.

Blaine: "You fool! Moltres was only using 15% of it's true power! Now witness what happens when the Blaine Pain Train goes at full speed! Moltres! Finish it!"

Moltres starts to build flames across its body and tries to soar back into the air until Bruno grabs hold of its talons.

Good idea: Preventing the devastating fire attack by grabbing it.
Bad idea: Preventing the devastating fire attack by grabbing it.

The Moltres is temporarily held in place but Bruno's calloused hands are burning like just stuck them into a roaring fire. He is grimmacing in pain and seems to have no idea what to actually do.

What do you do?

A. Use Seismic Toss!
B. Use Bite!
C. Use Hi jump kick !
D. Use Submission!
E. Let go of it you fool! It's on fucking fire!

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B, what could go wrong?
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B

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Spidey5 posted...

B, what could go wrong?

Absolutely nothing.

B

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D

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LMAO
b

B

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B.

I feel like a proper dungeon master with all this blatant idiocy.

It's fantastic.

B

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B. It's just a big roast chicken! Eat it!

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B, Bruno needs to eat

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b

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B. Use Bite!

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp." (Bruno! It's vulnrable! Bite it!)

Bruno opens his mouth and chomps down directly on the flaming bird who squawks and squeals. Then they both fall down in agony. Bruno (now with burnt off eyebrows and a bright red face) clutches his mouth. The Moltres writhes around on the ground on its back.

Bruno: "Owwthh... I burnth my thongue!"

He's clipped it's wing! The Moltres can no longer fly! It scooches across the ground like a mobile campfire

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp." (Bruno! Now's your chance! Finish it off with stomp!)

Bruno stumbles back to his feet and while still clutching his mouth, he lifts up his leg above the Moltres and starts to bring it down.

Blaine: "Full restore!"

Blaine tosses an item at Moltress and it suddenly is fully healed. It effortlessly dodges Bruno's foot, then flies back into the air at tremdous speed. The crowd gasps and is stunned. They've never seen Moltres needing healing before.

You: "Magikarp" (Oh no)
Bruno: "Oh no."
Moltres: "Moltres!" (Oh yeah!)

You have to defeat it in one move!? That's impossible!

Blaine: "9 years.... In 9 years I've never had to use a full restore on Moltres. Do you have any idea how expensive these things are!? You can buy like 6 crappy medicines for the price of 1. What is wrong with you!? You stupid useless bird brain!?"

Moltres glaress at Blaine angirly.

Blaine: "You can't defeat one complete loser without help!? I saw a better legendary in my toilet bowl last night! Now stop being worthless and actually DO something!? Is that clear!?"

Moltres: "...Moltres." (...Crystal)

Moltres soars high into the air and spreads its wings to the fullest. Then becomes entirely made of fire like it set itself ablaze. It creates jets of flame and then starts flying in circles but doesn't slow down. The wind starts to grow and the heat starts to increase until it has created a massive hurricane of fire that is growing every second.

Blaine: "Okay Moltres that's enough, now attack!.... Seriously Moltres you can stop doing that now.... Moltres.... That's too much! No Moltres! Stop it! MOLTRES! STOP!"

It becomes so hot that the water in your bucket feels like it is boiling. The gym ceiling directly above Moltres begins to melt and a huge hole above is created as liquid metal rains down onto the arena. You can no longer even make out the bird anymore, just a phoenix shaped flaming mass inside the eye of a hurricane of fire and liquid metal rain. It feels like the sun itself has come to visit. And it is still growing and getting hotter.

Blaine: "That's it! I've had enough."

Blaine tries to withdraw Moltres into its pokeball but a streak of fire smacks his hand, causing him to squeal and drop it. Suddenly Blaine's face goes ghostly white as he realizes it's beyond his command. Blaine leaps into the arena, falls to his knees and grabs Bruno's leg!

Blaine: "It's gone crazy! You have to stop it! It's gonna kill us all! Please I'm begging you! Save me! I'm too young to die."

Bruno: "Theresth hundredsth of people here. Theresth no way to get them all out in time."

Blaine: "Forget about all these worthless people. Just get me out of here! I'm the only one who matters anyway! Do it And I'll give you the badge. "

The crowd boos loudly.

Blaine: "We're all about to die and you're still booing and bawing! This is why I always hated all of you. Especially that guy"

He points at a random guy in the crowd who looks down dejectedly.

Bruno: "You shee thisth is what happensth when you don't treat your pokemon well. You don't create any kind of bond stho they go beyond your control."

Blaine: "What are you talking about!? You're the one that did all this to the pokemon!"

Bruno: "Yeah but they weren't MY pokemon. They were yoursth."

Blaine turns to the crowd

Blaine: "Oh nuts to this., Is there anyone here who can defeat a Moltres!?"

Crowd Member #15: "Dude, you're the gym leader."
Crowd Member #217: "To be honest I lost track of what's going on ages ago."
Crowd Member: #52: "When you say we're going to die, is that a probable thing or a definately inevitable thing? Either way I should call my mom."
Crowd Memer #111: "I have a Weedle."

Bruno: "I remember this one time when my Onyx was little, he got stuck in a tree and I... And I.... And I ... Oh god I sold him for a bottle of whiskey... *sniff sniff* What's wrong with me?"

Blaine: "Nonono! No crying! More Punching! You have to take that thing out! Now!"

Bruno: "I can't. I'm too weak. You were right about everything. I'm uselessth."

Blaine: "No! No you're not! you have loads of fine qualities like.....ermm.... And....And all the other things! Now please snap out of it and kill that bird or get me out of here!!"

Bruno is in tears and looks on the verge of a breakdown as Blaine looks around desperately for options, then makes eye contact with you. The flaming Hurricane is now almost the size of the whole arena and is still growing.

Blaine: "You! Magikarp! This is all your fault! For the love of all creation do something!"

How is this your fault!?

What do you do:

A. Tell Bruno that he can defeat the Moltres if he tries his best! He is strong enough!"
B. Tell Bruno that if he takes out the Moltres you'll buy him free beers for life.
C. Tell Bruno that if he takes out the Moltres you'll help het his Pokemon back.
D. Tell Bruno that if he takes out the Moltres you'll help him get backtogether with his ex-wife.
E. Tell Bruno to grab Blaine (+you) and get out of here. A badge is a badge! That crowd was booing you all night anyway

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D. It's time to evolve Bruno .

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C. We've gotta turn Bruno's life around.

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D

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E
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A

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C This could turn his life around and give him a 2nd chance.

B will make him worse.
D wont resolve his guilt.

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C

I voted for the wrong one, my bad.

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E. Fuck em all

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C
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C

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C, Bruno has shown he is OP and learnt his lesson

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Maybe Bruno can reach out to Moltres and persuade Moltres getting what you want is sweeter than revenge?

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C

C

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C. Tell Bruno that if he takes out the Moltres you'll help get his Pokemon back.

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp. Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp MagikarpMagikarp MagikarpMagikarp MagikarpMagikarp MagikarpMagikarp MagikarpMagikarp MagikarpMagikarp Magikarp Magikarp!" (Bruno! You can't quit now. I can't quit! My grandfather needs me! And your Pokemon need you! If you really care you wouldn't roll over like this! You'd persevere and we'd go find them together! Don't you see!? No matter what mistakes we make or have made, we're only truly lost if we give up! We have to try!) You yell while splashing about in your bucket. Looking like you're having a complete fit.

Blaine: "Right of course, real helpful. Why did I even bother talking to a Magikarp. Damn useless fish."

Bruno: "You're right..." He clenches his fists.

Blaine: "I know I'm right. Oh it's hopeless , utterly utterly hopeless. I'm just too good a Trainer for anyone to stand a chance."

Bruno: "I am Bruno of the Elite Four! Through rigorousth training, people and Pokmon can become sthrongerwithout limit. I've lived and trained with my Pokemon. And that will never change! Moltresth wasth it? We will grind you down with our sthuperior power! Hoo hah!""

Blaine: "What are you even babbling on about?"

Bruno leaps and does a handspring flip, launching himself high up in the air, straight through fire and smoke into the phoenixesq center of the hurricane. He spins multiple times in mid-air for momentum and uses his tired good leg to ferociously kick with the force of 11 tigers.

Blaine: "What's that fool doing? He couldn't hit a literal dirtball with that move and he expects to hit the fastest bird in the universe inside the eye of a flamimg hurricane? The idiot has doomed us all!"

The Moltres finishes the hurricane and is is about to direct it at the entire gym. There is a tense silence until....

SMACK.

Like a baseball bat hitting a cricket ball Bruno connects directly in the Moltres' face with his vicious kick as if he found a strand of hay in a stack of needles.

Critical Hit!

The Moltres is sent flying through the hole in the ceiling and is throw across the sky like a flaming cannonball, taking the worst of the hurricane with it. It soars over the town before crashing into the side of a hill with tremdous impact, rocking the entire town and turning half the hillside into a crater.

You hear the distant scream of a Ponyta upon impact.

Moltres has fainted
Ponyta has fainted

Blaine is out of Pokemon

You defeated Cinnabar Island Gym Leader Blaine!

Blaine: "Impossible!"

Bruno lands awkwardly on all fours and sort of crawls around for a minute getting his bearings.

Crowd: "Bruno... Bruno! Bruno! Bruno!" slowly at first getting louder until about half the crowd are doing it. Bruno is stunned for a moment, then dons a ridiculous karate pose. You roll onto the arena next to him for praise too but nobody is looking at you.

Bruno: "Yeah! Bruno isth the besth!"

Blaine: "Sheep! You're all Sheep!"

Mareep: "Mareep Mareep." (I find that offensive.)

Bruno puts a heavily burned arm on Blaine's shoulder looking like a fridge leaning against a deckchair.

Bruno: "Come on old man. I mean I justh shave your life and all. Hand it over."

Blaine: "Ughsmfghphhillhandyouover. Bah! This is the worst birthday ever."

Blaine reluctantly pulls a dusty badge out of his pocket and hands it to Bruno.

What do you do?

A. Let Bruno take the badge.
B. Snatch the badge. It's yours, not his.
C. Withdraw Bruno and pick the badge off the floor. Time to remind everyone who who boss is.

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C

B

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A

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A

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C
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C

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A

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C

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C

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C. Withdraw Bruno and pick the badge off the floor. Time to remind everyone who who boss is.

Bruno: "Hoo-hah! I'm unsthoppable! Thisth isth the firsth time I've been happily sthobber in ye-"

In a flash Bruno retreats into the pokeball. The crowd is stunned into silence as the badge clutters to the floor. Then the sound of your rock bucket echos around the arena as you roll to the badge and pick it up.

You obtained Item: Cinnabar Island Gym Badge!

In awkward silence you roll out of the arena towards the gym exit, trying to look as authoritative as you can. Then you realize it might be be good idea to heal your team, so you even more awkwardly turn back around and roll back into the gym to use the healing corner. Everyone looks at you as your bucket makes loud scraping noises in the silence. Well at least you're the center of attention now.

The entire crowd stares In confusion as the machine lights up and whirls while you sit impatiently next to it.

Crowd Member #4: "So this is happening..."
Crowd Member 125: "Is anyone else confused? Did that Moltres die?"
Crowd Member #179: "Pretty sure that lady got her back broken. Isn't anyone here a doctor?"
Crowd Member #111: "Wait did that fish just.... are we accepting this? Is this a thing now?"

Blaine quickly seizes the opportunity to reprise his showman self.

Blaine: "I suggest we all agree to never mention the events of today at all. To anyone ever. Especially the police."

Crowd Member #111: "But you said you hate us and we were going to die."

Blaine: "Ermm... That was a prank! The whole thing was a show! For the Zeppelin day! Of course I didn't really lose, I can't lose! And none of you were ever in any real danger. Pyrotechnics you see. You just had to think it was real to get an emotional response. Weren't you entertained!?"

There is a collective "Ohhhhh" from the crowd.

Crowd Member #111: "That makes sense!"

Blaine: "So none of you ever mention this ever again to anyone so It doesn't ruin the show for the new fans next the time! So remember! Come back next week for a new challenger! Who will once again be crushed beneath the Blaine Train!" He raises his arms dramatically.

The crowd screams "Go BLAINE PAIN TRAIN! *Clap clap clap-clap-clap* Go BLAINE PAIN TRAIN" You guess they really are sheep and Blaine learned nothing.

But no matter! With your badge and fully healed team you finally head to the Zeppelin.

Rolling through the town you enter the line for people boarding the Zeppelin. After several minutes that feel like hours of staring at rich people's feet, including socks with sandals you get to the front of the line. The Zeppelin is a mere 14 feet away. You awkwardly climb up onto the ticket-taker's counter, dragging your bucket with you.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "No ticket. Next!"

You: "Magikarp!" (Look!) You wave your badge around and use your fins to point to one of the many signs that says badge holders ride free.

You used Item: Cinnabar Island Gym Badge!

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "Oh wow, someone actually defeated Blaine. It's been a long time. How did anyone beat his Moltres?"

Guy behind you in the line: "Got dropkicked through the roof and exploded into a mountain."

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "Look if you don't want to tell me that's fine but there's no need to be rude. Now as for you skinnyfat little fishy, no pokemon are allowed to be loose. You must be with your Trainer at all times on the Zeppelin!"

He points to a sign that has to crude picture of a happy Pikachu running away from its owner inside a censor bar.

You splosh in your bucket and wave your badge around indignantly but Jerry just picks up your bucket and carries you into the waiting room. Then plops you on the floor.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "Now Magikarp, be a good fish wait over here. Hmmm?"

The waiting room is full of dozens of empty chairs. The only thing actually waiting in there is a Grimer with the most absurdly happy fixed expression you've ever seen. It is squelching about on a chair, covering it in goo.

Grimer: "Grimer Grimer Grimer! Grimer Grimer Grimer Grimer! Grimer Grimer Grimer Grimer Grimer! Grimer Grimer Grimer!" (Wow! Hey! Cool! Brilliant! A Magikarp! I love Magikarp! And a bucket! Amazing! I love buckets too!? Aren't buckets amazing!? Hey how many buckets do you think there are on the island? Do you ever get so lovely that it hurts? How many battles have you won? I've won 5 and lost 17. Which is amazing! Hey isn't this the best waiting area that you've ever seen!?I've been to my fair share of great waiting areas and this takes the cake! Ohman, a waiting area, a bucket and a Magikarp! Can you believe it? i mean I may have lost my Trainer and be completely lost and alone but that a good thing right!? It just means I'll be even happier when I find them right!? How do you think Klang's hear things when they have no ears? Fantastic! This is the greatest DAY OF MY LIFE! WHOOOO!)

It doesn't stop for air while speaking continuously and the entire time it shouts it waves it's arms around with genuine slightly terrifying enthusiasm. Each gesticulation sends grotesque sludge flying about the room.

You slowly back away and forcefully show your badge to Jerry.

Magikarp: "Magikarp! MagikarpMagikarp Magikarp." (Look! I won the Cinnabar Island badge. I get a free ride. Let me on the Zeppelin.)

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "Yes I know, it's a very nice badge. I look forward to meeting the guy who actually won it, obviously with one of their other pokemon that wasn't you. Until then, WAIT in the WAITING room. Man no Gyarados could be worth lugging one of these things around If you ask me."

What do you do?

A. Splash him. You're an independent Magikarp that don't need no owner.
B. Get chaperoned by Trainer
C. Get chaperoned by Bruno.
D. Get chaperoned by Dr Cool-Joy.
E. Hang out with Grimer, he seems friendly.

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D

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Guns_of_Verdun posted...

You hear the distant scream of a Ponyta upon impact.

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

Ponyta has fainted

NO SURVIVORS

B

It's her turn.

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A.
Would say to throw a pokeball at him to show whos boss but.... we only have 1 left right?

D

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DivideR posted...

A.
Would say to throw a pokeball at him to show whos boss but.... we only have 1 left right?

For the record your inventory is:

$287
Heal Ball x1
Fishing Rod
Fishing Lure
Breathmints
Cinnabar Island Gym Badge

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A

Its been an awfully long time since we splashed in a Magikarp story.
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A.

A good splash will knock some sense into this punk.

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A. Any other option is admitting defeat

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a

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A

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D, need to save the pokeball for something stronger

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A. Splash him. You're an independent Magikarp that don't need no owner.

You: "Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp!" (I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions.)

You start splashing aggressively in your bucket. Causing water to spill all over Ticket-Taker Jerry's clothes.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "What do you think you're doing!? These are dryclean only Y'know!"

You splash again, even more aggressively. The water sploshes right into Jerry's face.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "Ugghhh Ahh gah what the... IT's all dirty and warm.. why is it full of ash!? That's it! I've had just about enough of you!"

Jerry kicks your bucket hard. It tips over and you fall out of it, causing the water to pour out and you to flop about on the floor.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "It's lucky your owner isn't around. Because I'd hate for them to see this."

Jerry starts running towards you and looks like he's about to stomp you when he steps on some of Grimer's loose ooze and trips, sliding to the floor next to you. You flop about a bit, smacking him in the face with your caudal fin. He's clearly got no real experience fighting.

Grimer: "Grimer Grimer Grimer! Grimer Grimer!?" (OH you're having a fight! That's brilliant! I hope you both win because you're both the best! I'm not scared to death or anything! You're my favorites! Oh man, watching a fight is amazing isn't it!? )

Jerry sits up and grabs you by the fin you were smacking him with. Then he tosses you into a couple of nearby empty chairs. You tumble over them in a heap of wood, fabric and fish. Jerry stands up and walks over to you. More methodically this time. You try to splash but there is no water anymore. Jerry picks you up once again by the caudal fin. Holding you upsidedown.

Ticket-Taker Jerry: "You wanna make a fool of me do you ya? Well oofffph...."

You struggle in his grasp and end up headbutting him in his Jerries. It hurt you to do it and your head aches like you just woke up after 2 nights drinking but it seems to have hurt him a lot more. Jerry topples over clutching himself and lands head first on your bucket with a clang. He crumbles over on his side and groans. He seems out of it, at least for the moment.

Your now dented bucket is completely empty. You flop next to it but it's a struggle to get it upright, let alone move it when you're out of water.

Grimer: "Grimer! Grimer!? Grimer! Grimer GrimerGrimer Grimer!" (I can help! WOO Isn't this fun!? Look watch this! Have you ever seen this before? It's a thing I can do and it's great! It really hurts actually. It's like the best thing ever! Whoop!)

Grimer rushes over (trampling over Jerry and covering him in goop on the way) grabs the bucket and expells a seemingly endless string of horrific ooze into it. You don't even want to think about the biology behind it. When Grimer has finished you reluctantly flop back inside and it is disgusting. You do your best to keep your eyes and mouth above the surface, but your body is now covered in ooze and the smell is unpleasant even for you. Sadly you need the bucket to move around. This'll have to do until you find more water and you don't want to wait around for Jerry to recover.

With Jerry out of the way you roll into the Zeppelin unopposed. Leaving a line of confused people behind you, wondering where the staff went. Grimer is right beside you, following you and repeatedly pointing out how amazing and brilliant everything that he sees is.

Once you're inside the Zeppelin you're floored by just how big it is. People are everywhere, some families, some workers, some loners, some rushing to where they want to go, some taking their time and looking around. There's multiple levels and everything is set up like a giant colorful attraction.

After rolling around lost for a while. you see a sign showing you directions at a crossroad of staircases and corridors. There's an arrow pointing down a staircase that says "Cargo Hold - No Entry"
An arrow pointing left saying "Stage - Tonights show: Copper Rose, the Exotic Wonder of The East"
An arrow pointing right saying "Mess Hall - 24/7 service"
And an arrow pointing up saying "Cockpit - Tours available"

What do you do:

A. Tell Grimer to come with you and go to the Cockpit. That sounds fun!
B. Tell Grimer to come with you and go to the Mess Hall. You are hungry.
C. Tell Grimer to come with you and go to the Cargo Hold. That's where the medicine must be.
D. Tell Grimer to come with you and go to the Stage Show. You want to see the Exotic Wonder of The East!
E. Tell Grimer to go back to the waiting room and go to the Cockpit. That sounds fun!
F. Tell Grimer to go back to the waiting room and go to the Mess Hall. You are hungry.
G. Tell Grimer to go back to the waiting room and go to the Cargo Hold. That's where the medicine must be.
H. Tell Grimer to go back to the waiting room and go to the Stage Show. You want to see the Exotic Wonder of The East!

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