Board 8 > Quinton ranks user-nominated Final Fantasy stuff

(+) Yeah! (+)

Almost makes me want to main galuf in smfffc

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well his name is probably literally Exodus but if you insist on sticking with a mistake you made at least go with the cooler mistake

(bring back the X)

also Galuf cool dude
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Okay, I think Ive figured out a system for ranking swords without going insane. Stay tuned.
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Nominations from the other topic before it purges:

1. Swords (including swords that masquerade as guns)
-Leon

2. Battle/Overworld Themes
>:(
-NFUN

3. times minfilia asks you to return to the waking sands
-TMS

4. Summons
-Red

5. Protagonist visual design only
-Anagram

6. Playable moogles in Final Fantasy 6.
-Ark

7. SMFFFC hosts
-BK

8. Songs that play during rain or snow
-Leon

9. -aga spells.
-GildedFool

10. Rank all the last names of the party members of the PS1 trilogy. You can do the snes games too if you want.
-pj

11. Cities
-LOLIAmAnAlt

12. cids
-xp

13. Ifrits
-WazzupGenius

14. FFV jobs
-LordoftheMorons

15. Every character
-Steiner, who clearly hates me

16. Blitzball players
-NFUN

17. Moogles
-neonreaper
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Disclaimer: I'm not going to let myself stress too much about making sure the numbering for this one is 100% accurate so if I end up off-kilter I'll course-correct before the end!

183. Iron Sword
a sword made of iron
how blasted exciting
I can think of few swords made of iron throughout human history
I love iron swords so much
that I rank them dead last because this is ridiculously unremarkable
I can't even make fun of it
I hate this.

182. Bronze Sword
everything you love about iron swords
except
plot twist
made of bronze
the bronze age is historically savvy
bronze swords in final fantasy
are not.

181. Mythril Sword
don't look now
back to back to back
first they came for our iron
fam said "who cares"
then they came for our bronze
fam said "not us"
then they came for our mythril
tolkien said "wtf is mythril"
square said "shrug"
Quinton too said shrug.

180. Desch's Sword
lmao
who even is Desch
ngl I know who Desch is
but only barely
he exists in Final Fantasy III
need I say more.

179. Short Sword
shorty in the club with steel
shorty looked at me and said "kneel"
I said no.

178. Highway Star
this sword
was supposed to be Gabranth's
but isn't
it doesn't exist
it is cut content
get it
"cut."

177. Wizard Sword
if you say this out loud
in a public space
perhaps even a comic shop
people will snort
and snivel
and disown you.

176. Wing Sword
stop

adding

random

words

to

swords.

175. Gold Sword
this is a bad idea
don't make a sword with gold
don't do it because it will only backfire
you will be standing on the field of battle
proud flags waving behind you
banner boys screaming in horror
when your sword falls apart and you die.

174. Sorcery Sword
now
you're
just
****ing
with
me.

173. Sleep Sword
just thinking about a sleep sword
a sword literally named sleep
is putting me to
sleep.

172. Folding Epee
lmao.

171. Sword of Paine
frozen inside
without your touch
without your love
darling
only you
are my life
among the dumb.

170. Eternity Blades
here's a free tip
if you're in the market for naming swords
and you think adding the word
"eternity"
is going to get you a promotion at work
you probably work for square enix.

169. (nice) Saber
at least
I solemnly believe
in my heart of hearts
that maybe
just maybe
this thing will successfully cut things.

168. Rapier
now we're fancy
twirl and twirl and twirl
my life for escape from this ranking.

167. Royal Sword
honestly who cares
your sword is royal so maybe adhere to it
or whatever
it says a lot about american society
that we still revere royalty
by kissing steel.

166. Shear Trigger
oh look
our first gunblade
unfortunately for life the universe and everything
this has such a stupid name that
I literally cannot.

165. Dark Sword
by virtue of blandness
I solemnly decree
dark sword
if you'll face the court please
thank you dark sword
behold
you make the next one on the list sound cool by comparison.
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ya go my swords
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This is beauty
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This is everything I hoped it would be.
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I love you
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I love this topic.
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164. Platoon Sword
I'm furious
nintendo didn't call the sequel to splatoon
"spla2n"
that's all I can say about this sword
also it is stupid.

163. War Sword
first they used them for prayer
then they used them to knit
a trio of shamans even invented fishing with them
inevitably one neanderthal used them for sexual gratification
but stark was the day
that Man first harnessed the sword for War
I guess.

162. Holy Win
so you claim
but take a look
at a picture
of this sword
and you as well shall lose.

161. Lustrous Sword
if I wanted a sword
that made me think about sex
I wouldn't wield this
because I know what lustrous means
but you're thinking about sex now anyway.

160. Indrajit
no I'm not
shut up.

159. Mythril Blade
you think you're cool
just because you changed "sword" to "blade"
well
you're not.

158. Bee Spatha
since when
did final fantasy
cite wookieepedia
for sword names.

157. Blank Blade
your mama's so dull
she couldn't even name her sword.

156. Cutlass
I will not cut lasses
I will not wear glasses
I will not eat green eggs and ham.

155. Salamand Sword
finish
the
word
idiot.

154. Flame Sword
sheep
get your flame shields ready
I have a third-degree burn
in flame sword.

153. Flame Fossil
by virtue of being even stupider
you narrowly surpass flame sword
to be the second best at flaming
what the hell is this name.

152. Survivor's Edge
ow
the edge.

151. Dorgann's Blade
that
is not
how
you spell
"dragon."

150. Curtana
murster cherf.
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SaveEstelle posted...

150. Curtana
murster cherf.

holy fuck
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SaveEstelle posted...

murster cherf.

http://gph.is/1py5RWx
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You best not believe we done son
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You know the purge is like a week now
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Steiner posted...

You know the purge is like a week now

I didnt actually

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He hasn't been here since the purge rate changed
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SaveEstelle posted...

180. Desch's Sword
lmao
who even is Desch
ngl I know who Desch is
but only barely
he exists in Final Fantasy III
need I say more.

such disrespect
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Well now you know this topic is probably lasting long enough that you get to mine
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Steiner posted...

Well now you know this topic is probably lasting long enough that you get to mine

it's not the topic sticking around long enough to finish that we're worried about...!
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what are we worried about exactly

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the world ending
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still eagerly awaiting the results of user saveestelle ranking user-submitted vgm

get hype
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149. Dark Claymore
dark claymore
a claymore that is dark
as clever as a dog in harvard
bark
bark
bark.

148. Crimson Sword
hey please read my fanfic
"crimson sword"
it's about a girl who gets superpowers
even though she's a klutz
and she gets a sword
the color crimson
and it makes the boys fall in love
on a full moon
but
one day
she accidentally
dies.

147. Platinum Sword
no SHINE
it doesn't count as a platinum.

146. Enhancer
heh
heh
heh.

145. Soldier's Sabre
please do not buy this
it already belongs to a soldier.

144. Hunting Sword
we're at a point
in our rankings
dear sweet friends
where the most interesting thing
one can conceivably say
about some of these swords
is Emilia Clarke is beautiful.

143. Warrior's Sword
soldier stop
what are you doing
put away your coinpurse you fool.

140. Double-Edge
you can attack your foe with this
if you are willing also
to attack yourself.

139. Onion Sword
look vegeta
it's an onion sword.

138. Butterfly Sword
"bye bye butterfree"
like this
if u cry every tiem.

137. Butterfly Edge
wait
what.

136. Murgleis
shorty back she making up words
shorty think that "words" rhymes with "swords"
users wonder where this write-up goes
quinton doesn't know
battletoads.

135. Lifesaber
lifesaber
hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

134. Cutting Trigger
one
would
hope.

133. Aqua Saber
I've been through the desert
on a horse with no name
stuck a sword in my mouth
felt like rain.

132. Ancient Sword
I am an anthropologist
I require further context
how old is this sword
"ancient" is used far too frequently
to the point that it dwindles in meaning
stab me with it
that I might carbon date it from within.

131. Brave Blade
I hypothesize
that many Japanese
cannot pronounce this
ruthless.

130. Chaos's Revenge
kid
delete your fanfiction.net account
thank me later.


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Brave blade was robbed
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Steiner posted...

Brave blade was robbed

Blave brade was lobbed

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This list is amazing
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my fanfiction.net account is still active after all these years
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also I wanted to write an FFIX fanfiction about Necron's Revenge but that never materialized

I did a decent bit of pre-planning for it (rough outline of the plot, roles of the returning characters, new characters to be introduced) but I just never started writing it

and there's an FFVIII fanfic that I started but never ended up finishing, although I still know to this day how I wanted to end it

I just lost the time to dedicate to writing fanfiction once I left for college
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SCENE: A corporate office. Several "users" of internet website "GameFAQs Contests Board" are typing away at word processors -- slaving away their lives for the bottom line. There is a gust of wind and a foul stench fills the room. Before anyone can dare inquire, Necron from Final Fantasy IX appears.

The users stare in shock. All are silent save for one.

LeonhartFour: "At least it isn't Vayne...!"

Uncomfortable laughter. At least one user, pjbasis, is still typing away. He's always been a bit... distracted.

vcharon: "Figures you'd show up. Seymour was going far for once. But I guess not anymore."

Necron exhales and the office is suddenly several degrees hotter. Several degrees hotter... celsius.

Necron: "Well, well, well. If it isn't the denizens of internet website GameFAQs Contests Board. Look at you all. You're practically middle-aged. Yet I remain. Eternal... well, go on. Type-type-type. Where are your cruel words now? Your hateful rhetoric? Your insistence that I was an abrupt and unwarranted final boss? That I harmed the narrative of the video game in which I appeared? Go on, LeonhartFour. Write about my revenge. I'll be sure to give you plenty of... inspiration."

The users collectively shiver. Even pjbasis is aware now. He murmurs under his breath that this is not his fault but acknowledges that it could have been. Necron laughs and raises his powerful arms in vengeance. A fell chill blankets the air and the power of a Final Fantasy final boss is about to slaughter the users where they sit.

Eddv enters. He's licking donut powder from his fingertips. At the sight of Necron, he rubs his eyes and shrugs.

Eddv: "Actually, I've always liked the guy. He's probably in my top three FF characters. Not that there's much competition anyway. It's Hope, Snow, Necron... whatever."

Dead silence. It feels like forever has passed before Necron bows graciously, sheathing his unholy powers. The users have been spared. Just before he leaves, the dark one says,

Necron: "Finally some ****ing respect."

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Yeah, that's pretty close to what I had, too
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SaveEstelle posted...

SCENE: A corporate office. Several "users" of internet website "GameFAQs Contests Board" are typing away at word processors -- slaving away their lives for the bottom line. There is a gust of wind and a foul stench fills the room. Before anyone can dare inquire, Necron from Final Fantasy IX appears.

The users stare in shock. All are silent save for one.

LeonhartFour: "At least it isn't Vayne...!"

Uncomfortable laughter. At least one user, pjbasis, is still typing away. He's always been a bit... distracted.

vcharon: "Figures you'd show up. Seymour was going far for once. But I guess not anymore."

Necron exhales and the office is suddenly several degrees hotter. Several degrees hotter... celsius.

Necron: "Well, well, well. If it isn't the denizens of internet website GameFAQs Contests Board. Look at you all. You're practically middle-aged. Yet I remain. Eternal... well, go on. Type-type-type. Where are your cruel words now? Your hateful rhetoric? Your insistence that I was an abrupt and unwarranted final boss? That I harmed the narrative of the video game in which I appeared? Go on, LeonhartFour. Write about my revenge. I'll be sure to give you plenty of... inspiration."

The users collectively shiver. Even pjbasis is aware now. He murmurs under his breath that this is not his fault but acknowledges that it could have been. Necron laughs and raises his powerful arms in vengeance. A fell chill blankets the air and the power of a Final Fantasy final boss is about to slaughter the users where they sit.

Eddv enters. He's licking donut powder from his fingertips. At the sight of Necron, he rubs his eyes and shrugs.

Eddv: "Actually, I've always liked the guy. He's probably in my top three FF characters. Not that there's much competition anyway. It's Hope, Snow, Necron... whatever."

Dead silence. It feels like forever has passed before Necron bows graciously, sheathing his unholy powers. The users have been spared. Just before he leaves, the dark one says,

Necron: "Finally some ****ing respect."

4/10

too many unresolved plotlines and inconsistencies

what was pj doing that made him think it could be his fault? you can't tease a backstory like that and then do nothing with it

how did necron and eddv not cross paths in the hallway

necron appears and there's a fell chill, but then he exhales and all of a sudden now it's hotter? jeez just pick one where's the continuity?
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xp1337 posted...

4/10

too many unresolved plotlines and inconsistencies

what was pj doing that made him think it could be his fault? you can't tease a backstory like that and then do nothing with it

how did necron and eddv not cross paths in the hallway

necron appears and there's a fell chill, but then he exhales and all of a sudden now it's hotter? jeez just pick one where's the continuity?

xp1337,

For over 32 years we've valued the feedback of viewers like you.

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE. DO NOT REPLY.

-Quintonvision Media

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129. Broadsword
one day I chased a kid over a mile
because he tried to steal my charizard card
I refused to yield
I wanted that card something fierce
when I finally caught up to him
I told him a great many things
among those things was not
"broadsword"
because it's a bland word
and I was focused on giving that jackal nothing but spice.

128.Laevateinn
I'm going off the rails
on a laevateinn.

127. Macuahuitl
my ex-girlfriend
whose name is kiria
to this day
will attempt to quechua rush me
in civilization 4.

126. Onion Blade
hahaha
I admire your spunk
you really shake things up
changing "sword" to "blade."

125. Coral Sword
damn it coral
do you get it
it's a walking dead reference
wait
are those even relevant anymore.

124. Purple Lightning
ser gawain the green knight
searched bravely through the... night
until he came about the famed edge
purple lightning
and then he laughed so hard he peed.

123. Scimitar
scimitar
you go no further
because
I still fail to pronounce you regularly.

122. Rune Tooth
if you neglect yourself overmuch
your teeth become runes
brush your teeth mongrels.

121. Iconic Sword
I bet
you bought this trash
on etsy.

120. Fragarach
say that to my face.

119. Wightslayer
sir
I respect the civil rights movement
but there are laws.

118. Howling Soul
edward
I know what you are
you're a cosplayer.

117. Engine Blade
cloud
there ain't no gettin' off this train
believe me I tried
that's how I lost this arm.

116. Rune Rapiers
if you neglect yourself overmuch
your swords become runes
no seriously
brush your teeth that's disgusting who raised you.

115. Rhomphaia
I think
I used
a master ball for this.

114. Platinum Rapiers
show up at the club
sunday night
club's closing at 11
because literally sunday
all the women wearing pants
because please be respectful on sundays
all the men pimping platinum rapiers
wait nevermind this is an anime convention or some ****.

113. Colichemerde
no
and do not ask me again
you sick freak.

112. Crimson Blitz
if you happen to be in queens
and you're on a subway train to brooklyn
do not accept these pills.

111. Sonic Steel
you're too slow
you're too slow
come on step it up.

110. Estoc
this one's a real word
in another language
an important language
but a language that is not my own
and for that it must die.

109. Soul Sabre
I bet
you spell theater
"theatre."

108. Engine Blade II
cloud
there still ain't no gettin' off this train
I foolishly tried again
I have no arms now cloud.

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There is a character in Cold Steel nicknamed Purple Lightning
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Leonhart4 posted...

There is a character in Cold Steel nicknamed Purple Lightning

I would have been miffed if there weren't

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SaveEstelle posted...

Eddv: "Actually, I've always liked the guy. He's probably in my top three FF characters. Not that there's much competition anyway. It's Hope, Snow, Necron... whatever."

a+
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SaveEstelle posted...

15. Every character
-Steiner, who clearly hates me

This is amazing.
Old Lady Who Yelled 'Stay Away from the Summoner' for #1 or we riot.
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Raka_Putra posted...

SaveEstelle posted...

15. Every character
-Steiner, who clearly hates me

This is amazing.
Old Lady Who Yelled 'Stay Away from the Summoner' for #1 or we riot.

you mean Blitzball Kid
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considering this is user SaveEstelle we're talking about it would more likely be the guy who are sick
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SaveEstelle posted...

There are two Bartz Klausers -- the Bartzes Klauser, if you will. There is the Bartz Klauser who appears in sprite form in the actual video game called Final Fantasy V, and there is the Yoshitaka Amano Bartz Klauser who looks like someone ordered a Skinny Chai Unsweet Firion Latte

You forgot World of Final Fantasy Bartz, easily the best Bartz

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SaveEstelle posted...

121. Iconic Sword
I bet
you bought this trash
on etsy.

I can't believe it got this low. It's iconic!
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Chairs (FF7)
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NFUN posted...

Raka_Putra posted...

SaveEstelle posted...

15. Every character
-Steiner, who clearly hates me

This is amazing.
Old Lady Who Yelled 'Stay Away from the Summoner' for #1 or we riot.

you mean Blitzball Kid

Well, only if it's a tie.
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I need more swords
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I need to pen more swords

Ive been kind of sick today so Ive slept a lot!

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user SaveEstelle has a fever and the only cure is more swords
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9swordz

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9 swords equals 9 times the power
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107. Silver Sword
count von count
will not count
to 107
because he is a vampire.

106. Sword of the Father
swords that kill.

105. Werebuster
I'd like this sword
a lot more
with an all-female 2010s remake.

104. Gluttony Sword
stop
fat
shaming.

103. Grasitha
this powerful weapon
seethes with the entropic souls
of stupid.

102. Vanguard
imagine owning a sword
going into battle
life or death
anything can happen
if you don't succeed
you never breathe again
and using your sword
as an adept or engineer instead.

101. Fusion Sword
season four
of the award-winning digimon franchise
sucked.

100. Rakshasa Blade
this
just makes me want ethiopian cuisine
delivered at midnight.

99. Engine Blade III
cloud
there ain't no off
I'm positive now
I lost more than just my dignity that time.

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